Am I the only one who finds it uncomfortable that when I don’t completely sign out of my google account: gmail, google reader, etc. that google (all praises be to the overlord) is watching what I’m doing online. Is nobody else bothered by that? Maybe I should be asking myself why I’m so protective of  my privacy with regards to the websites I visit. The porn-obsessed-conspiracy-theorist that I am.

My courses are not kicking my ass. But they are kicking my ass. But I am also kicking their ass.

I also, this last week, managed to knit a hat for somone in need of one that didn’t originate from Eddie Bauer circa 1996. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The fact is, I can produce a nicer, hipper, trendier, more color coordinated with the current wardrobe toque. TOCK! tucque. Touque. Anything goes.

And so… I have a week off. And then some. In a scheduling disaster, I have a meeting in the afternoon a week from today. Other than that, I am off until January 5th. And not at home with my family.

In a way, I regret not being able to go home for Christmas this year. “Being able” is a bit of a stretch. I am completely able… I just didn’t make any effort to put a plan to actually leave for home into place. So here I am. Frankly though, looking at the stranded travellers, the crappy weather, and the gigantic concussion that this year has been, I am GLAD to be stuck in this god-awful city for Christmas.

It really, really is an awful city.

I’m gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I’ll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

Lady and Bird Suicide is Painless

This time of year, I swear. Some years I’m out to destroy everything. Myself, my relationships, the fragile dishes, the souls of little children. Some years I’m on cloud nine. It’s impossible to predict until I’m IN IT.

This year.

This year I’m up and then down. I’m happy and giddy while on the brink of destroying things. I’m impressionable. I’m manic, basically. On top of the world one day. Realize how stupid being on top of the world was and how fake and artificial it was. Jump  on slide to the bottom of the pit. Oh Woe Is Me Down Here I’s Is Dumb. Seriously.

I’m not passing on the buck for this one. This depression is between me, my brain, and the motherfucking sun.

You know what doesn’t help though? The people I work with. Seriously. These people are not just like my family. They are LIKE MY FAMILY. For every person I work with, there is an analogue in my biological family. Some of the scenarios of late are like deja-vue. And that makes me more depressed than anything. They say some things never change.

They really don’t.

I knew when I signed up for two online continuing education courses that I would be busier. I had no idea how much busier though. It’s insane! I can handle a few hours on the weekend, and maybe a few evenings a week. I didn’t count on every waking hour of my life being consumed by either work, school, commuting, or sleeping. I’m lucky my commute is on foot, otherwise I’d be looking at some mega-sedentary living (do they still call it the secretary spread, or is there a cooler name for butt-growth-due-to-sitting now?).

So much for the plan to run a marathon next summer. I’m lucky if I can get in twenty minutes a day. The only reason I’m taking the time to update is because tonight I felt a bit of a sense of accomplishment at having almost completed an assignment.  The other assignments I haven’t finished? Tomorrow.