Dear Dell,
First of all, I don’t want to insult you, but you kinda suck. You’ve been crappy to me at work, you’ve been crappy AND greedy at home. Everywhere I use you, I’ve been let down. I expected more from you. I expected you to work. You run hot, have faulty components, are loud, have less than an acceptable life span, and generally make me disgruntled, and unhappy.
I enjoy a larger sized laptop than oh, say, my 7″ Asus Eee-pc. I like not having to hold my computer at the end of my nose to read my stories on the interwebs. But honestly Dell? Can I use you? No. It’s not affordable. It costs me upwards of $70.00 each month because of your insatiable appetite, not for megabits or terabytes, but for adapters. NOM NOM NOM.
It’s not funny Dell, so stop smirking.
I know you think I keep buying adapters because I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. You are wrong.
The last straw was today. I’ve been borrowing boy-bots adapter that came with your cousin, and you ate it. Like you’re at an adapter buffet.
SO YOU GOT ME! I BOUGHT ANOTHER ADAPTER.
But that one you ate today is going to be your last. You might not be old enough to replace, but honestly, I’ve had it. And you can laugh at me all you want, stuck on this 7″ itsy-bitsy laptop… but the last laugh is on you, Dell. I have two hours of battery power left. Enough to take everything I want off of your hard drive when I get one of these.
Additionally, Dell, I will be encouraging the people who purchase computer hardware at the extremely large multinational company I work for to look beyond your logo. Do I have the power to make a change like that happen? You know what? I’m pretty cool, so I think I might!
Enjoy the rest of your days in the closet. I’m sorry that we couldn’t be friends, but you let me down, Dell, you let me down.
It’s over between us. Forever.
-Heather
